I know I have recently stated I would keep all recipes to my own blog, but seeing as how these delicious, unholy freaks were made with the express purpose of being sold at the CGC bake sale, I believe I can make an exception.

It has nothing to do with the fact that I try to hold myself to a higher standard than savagely crushing bags of candy corn and dill pickle peanuts and frantically pressing them onto apples.


Nope, it’s not that at all.


~Recipe and pictures after the jump.

Making your own caramel apples is surprisingly simple and relatively pain-free. I say relatively because there is a possible risk of cancer if you melt the caramel in a plastic bowl, which I stupidly did with my first batch of caramel. Well, that in and of itself isn’t so bad as long as you properly deal with that caramel. What is bad is scraping the melted plastic off the sides of the bowl to get at the caramel. Now I’m not pointing any fingers, but let’s just say out of the two people present, it wasn’t me.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not judging the actual consumption of ungodly amounts of candy, because if anything, I won the prize for greatest sugar consumption that night when I polished off Cthulu-knows how many cups of candy corn. Damn sugar and wax, it gets me every year.

I’d also like to give a special thanks to my camera, who endured much sticky fondling last night. It’s actually pretty gross right now, and I think I’ll go clean it. In the meantime, here’s the recipe:

Caramel Monster Apples

7 apples (anything but Red Delicious will work, but tarter is better)

14oz individually-wrapped caramel candies (the chewy ones, NOT the hard ones)

1/2c half-and-half (or milk, or cream)

a few cups of toppings (I used sprinkles, nonpareils, Butterfinger, crushed waffle cone, Heath, candy corn, and Whopper)

7 popsicle sticks


1) Chill the apples in the fridge for at least a few hours before dipping.

2) Grease a large surface on which to place the  dipped apples; the only thing I had available was a pizza dish, but a baking sheet works just as well. Unwrap each caramel, and place in either a NON-PLASTIC BOWL (if you intend to microwave) or in a small pot (for stovetop melting action).

3) Melt the caramel – if using a microwave, pulse for 30-second intervals; on the stovetop, set to medium heat, then add the half-and-half once melted, and set to a simmer.

4) Shove a popsicle stick into the tops of each apple, and dip into the caramel. Use a spoon to help cover the entire surface, then hold the apple over the bowl/pot and allow excess caramel to drip off, scraping with the spoon if necessary.

5) Quickly roll into and press on your toppings, then set the apple on the sheet to harden. Once you’re finished with all the apples, place in the refrigerator for about an hour – though they should be hardened already by the time they are ready to go in the fridge.

6) Eat.