A moment of silence please. According to an article in the Huffington Post, researchers have determined that oysters are “functionally extinct,” meaning they no longer play significant roles in most of the ecosystems where they were once naturally abundant.

Fortunately the harvesting and cultivation of oysters is still alive and well, meaning they won’t be absent from your next event deserving of the most sensual and elegant of mollusks. Keep them in mind today when you’re stuffing atomic wings and terrible beer down your throat, the oysters won’t be celebrating…

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